Affirmations (Secular)

You were, and are, a good parent. For this I have no doubt.

Being able to control one's thoughts and harness one's emotions has been pursued by humans since their origin. Some people prefer meditation. Some people choose exercise. Some enjoy speaking, chanting, or repeating mantras to shift a mental or emotional state and cultivate a specific quality. Mantras are a part of Buddhist and Hindu practices, but countless people who do not align with these ancient religions still use mantras for their healing. In contemporary culture, affirmations, or speaking the words to encourage and upbuild oneself by hearing words in the natural to affect the trajectory of both the conscious and subconscious mind is a powerful practice for self-growth.

Parents in Purgatory is dedicated to being inclusive as estrangement is not limited to any one race, religion, ethnicity, or nationality. If you would like to add faith-based content for another one of the world's major mainstream religions that would speak to estranged parents of that faith, please contact us at parentsinpurgatory@gmail.com to be considered. Out of respect for all people, and to ensure the highest respect and authentic representation of that practice, we would want someone who actively practices that faith to submit content, and to speak from their heart to parents who might share that tradition. Thank you.

Positive Affirmations

ANGER

I choose to release this anger because it is no longer serving me. Once a fire that refined emotions and burned away regret, the smoke and soot now linger and must be cleansed. Born of my breath, I inhale forgiveness and serenity and I exhale anger, disappointment, and frustration. I release the need to prove my adversary wrong and to allow their bitterness to cause division within me. With each breath, I grow calmer and stronger, knowing that I am capable of controlling how I respond. I will remain grounded and at peace though the circumstances around me will challenge and irritate me. I can coexist with my anger as it is a signal to me that I am out of balance and need release. I honor its presence without hurting myself or others and I give myself permission to lovingly process this anger through me. This feeling will pass, as all feelings will pass. I am no stranger to anger, and I am no stranger to serenity.

BETRAYAL: I release this betrayal. I am forced to embrace this hurt and confusion because I could never reshape my humanity to treat others the way I have been treated. Born of my breath, I breathe in the beauty of self-love and devotion and exhale a full release of betrayal and scorn. I will remain grounded and at peace though the circumstances around me will cause me to lose trust in others, as well as to lose trust in myself to know when situations are not safe. I choose to not coexist with these feelings of betrayal because they do not serve my highest and best good. I do not need to doubt trust in myself because of the betrayals of others who I chose to love and care for. I release those who have betrayed me with no wish for their ill will. Instead of vengeance, I thirst for the purest form of self-created protection. I am capable of being loyal to myself and the lack of integrity in others is not a reflection of my worth.

CONFUSION: I lovingly transmute this confusion into clarity. I must embrace the confusion because the presence of confusion tells me that I have allowed too many external influences to reshape my thoughts. I now take control of my thoughts. My thoughts will be clear and I will rely on my rational thoughts to know what is best for me. Born on my breathe, I inhale clarity and understanding and I exhale confusion, misunderstanding, and dimmed and blurred beliefs or ideas. I do not have to coexist with confusion. I only need to listen to my inner voice, be still with my humanity, and clarity will be renewed and restored. I trust that I am able to process all information to make the best decisions and to choose the best emotions for me with certainty and coherence. I am confident because the well of knowing what is best for me lies within me.

DISAPPOINTMENT: I show myself kindness when I have made mistakes. I embrace the opportunity to transmute disappointment into progress through self-reflection and self-awareness. I now take control of the possibilities of thinking healthier, feeling stronger, and acting with more compassion and kindness in the future. Born on my breath, I inhale gratitude for endless chances to rise higher and improve and I exhale disappointment for past experiences and outcomes. I do not have to allow disappointment to contaminate my thoughts and feelings. I need to understand that disappointment is nothing more than fuel for empowerment and growth. I trust that I am able to process disappointment and to not carry a grudge for myself and my actions into the future. I am content because I have acknowledged where I have been less than who I have wanted to be and will springboard from that experience into a new and higher version of my best self.

EMPTINESS: I honor the emptiness within me. The lack and the void mean that I have experienced loss, but that I am also making room for new opportunities, new blessings, and new insights. I embrace the emptiness because the emptiness is fertile ground for wholeness. The universe has moved things out of my life and out of the way of my growth. Born on my breath, I inhale wholeness, completeness, and perfection within my imperfection, and then exhale feelings of emptiness and emotional bankruptcy. I can allow myself to be uncomfortable with the emptiness, but will reframe this uneasiness into eagerness as I await the good things that are to come or return. I embrace that I can experience a full continuum of emotions, including the more difficult ones, and that I can identify how even the most uncomfortable feelings can be used for my growth.

FRUSTRATION: I no longer appreciate the limitations that frustration imposes upon my sense of freedom and love of self. I recognize that frustration is a limiting believe and experiencing frustration stunts the growth mindset. Born on my breath, I inhale a beautiful flow of progress and growth and I exhale frustration and challenges that are meant to keep me from my best and highest self. The irritants that I once found annoying are being transformed into pathways toward freedom. I recognize the frustrations for what they are and I no longer give them a disproportionate amount of power to stop me from pursuing my highest and best good. I do not need to fear feeling stuck or having emotional agitation from unmet expectations. I can create progress because I am a cocreator with innovation and fulfillment. I acknowledge that frustration may happen, but that it is only a temporal experience and that I will be able to process it with efficiency and compassion.

GRIEF: I must coexist with peace for a season. I accept the feelings of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, their nuances, and their ability to exist in varying degrees and combinations. I honor the grief because all feelings of grief, even as profoundly painful as they may be, are evidence that I have had the capacity to love. The grief is proof that I have loved deeply and I have lost profoundly. Born on my breath, I inhale sympathy and compassion for the feelings that will accompany me in this season and I exhale overwhelming grief and sorrow. I will be compassionate with my journey and I will surround myself with kindness and an overwhelming amount of self-care. I will choose to not dwell with the grief for more than it is necessary to healthfully process through my experience. I also choose to not embrace secondary emotions when others may fail to show empathy or understanding for my grief journey. I understand that grief will change me for a season, but it will never change my ability to love myself and others.

HOPELESSNESS: I must learn to negotiate hopelessness for my better and higher self. These feelings of hopelessness are a falsehood and I meet those falsehoods with gratitude. When the outside world communicates messages of insufficiency and fear, I will meet those thoughts with a boundary. Born on my breath, I inhale the purest air of my environment to cleanse the inpure thoughts as I exhale the fear of loss that is associated with hopelessness. I embrace that through gratitude I will find a reason to hope. Hope is possible because I am still possible. Hope is present because I am still present. I am a person who is capable of crafting a new and better existence, through the courage to make better choices, and to craft an outcome of my life that is not aligned with feelings of hopelessness and discouragement. I reject the roots of pessimism and the residue of despair. I replace it with the whispers of possibility and the renewed confidence in my dreams.

ISOLATION: I will learn to coexist with isolation, but I will not experience negative feelings with being alone. I am my own best friend. Being alone allows me to become the most loyal and the most loving person that I can be on the entire planet for myself. I make a promise to show up for myself, even if I am the only physical human in the space. Born on my breath, I inhale internal feelings of completeness and wholeness and I inhale feelings of loneliness or deficiency. I am whole as I am and I do not need another person, location, vocation, or external worldly offering to complete me. I see these external things as enhancements to the wonderful person I am. I will rejoice in the opportunity to be my own best friend. I will hold a boundary to keep feelings of worthless, not belonging, and isolation away from me because these negative feelings do not serve my best and highest good.

JEALOUSY: I must learn to shun jealousy. Jealousy is my emotion's way of convincing me that I am insufficient or that I do not measure up to a worldly standard or the lived experiences of others. I honor that I have my own life path and that my lived experience is mine to create and enjoy. There is enough good, enough blessings, enough love, and enough resources. Born on my breath, I inhale feelings of adequacy and sufficiency and I exhale feelings of lack or feelings of being substandard. I have my own path and I now realign feelings of comparisons to others to feelings of confidence in myself. I do not need to covet the paths, the relationships, the love, the rewards, or the blessings that others may outwardly rejoice in. I will have a season of rejoicing for the path, relationships, love, rewards, and blessings that are meant for me. I wait in eager anticipation of what is meant for me, because if it is meant for me, it will neither pass me by or leave me feeling insufficient and incomplete. I release jealousy because I hold gratitude for the good that is yet to come.

KARMA (VENGEANCE/REPAYMENT): I must learn to be patient as I wait for the good to be rewarded. I will not concern myself with creating the revenge or speaking of the deserved repayment of those who have hurt me. I do not need to concern myself with these things because positive energy attracts positive energy and negative energy attracts negative energy. I do not wish to attract negative energy. Born on my breath, I inhale my truth and my choices to be and do good and I exhale the need to see revenge and to wish harm upon others. I am not concerned about what others say or do because that is a reflection of their character, not mine. I am not concerned about whether or not someone is rejoicing in their life after they have hurt others. I will rest in the probability that their rejoicing is only temporal and may be a strategy to hide the negative energy that they are attracting. I will choose good thoughts, good actions, and good kindness toward others on the premise that my good energy will attract other higher vibration people and situations into my life.

LOVE: I believe that love exists in the universe and that the universe is love. I believe that I am a co-creator with the infinite power of love, possessing the potential to heal from within, renew my mind, and to design a life in the physical world that represents the essence of my dreams and abilities. I believe that love encourages when I am low, love sits beside when I am scared, and love lifts up when I am daring new things. Born on my breath, I inhale pure love and acceptance while I exhale all negative energy of fear and doubt. I choose to radically love myself and love those in my life, even if they do not match my energy. I believe that good energy attracts good energy and my intent is to fortify my own existence with the healthiest of self-loves so that I have the capacity to hold space for others who may be suffering. My mind is at peace knowing that connection to love is only one breath, one word, one gesture, and one moment away from being very present in my own life. I will remember to choose love as a response, as the highest response, as the

MISUNDERSTANDING. I look for opportunities to clear up misunderstandings and to speak clearly so that my heart is understood. I will not concern my mind with how others perceive me if I have moved ethically and honestly within relationships. I am not responsible for the filters by which people choose to interpret the words and actions of others. Born on my breath, I inhale understanding, an awareness to be undestood, empathy and sensitivity, and I exhale the feelings associated with past misunderstandings, miscommunications, and contentious arguments. I seek to ensure my accurate understanding of others' words and actions and I seek clarity in nonconfrontational ways when I don't understand. I allow for space and silence when misunderstandings lead to disagreements because there is diffusion in the silence. I will move through my life attentive to my words and to not add to confusion that may exist around me. I value silence in the absence of understanding. I value introspection when there is an abundance of words shared that aren't received. I will listen to my own heart and mind when others around me fail to listen. I seek to speak in truth and love.

NARCISSISM: I do not embrace the attacks of the narcissist. I do not embrace the unfair assignment of this label to any and all who would disagree with me. I return the label of narcissist to the accuser(s). I am not worthy of insults and I am not deserving of labels that refer to medical diagnoses that do not belong to me. I am capable of robust self reflection to detemine if my behaviors resemble narcissism and I take responsibility for ensuring that my words and behaviors are not inadvertently interpreted in this way. Born on my breath, I inhale the feeling of releasing the insults and condescension and I exhale the words from my memory that were used to harm me. I remain aware when this word is used, consider how it is used, and take note of the person who is attemptng to assign this label to me, someone I know and/or love, and/or a situation. I will not choose to defend or correct. Instead, I will make decisions and form opinions based on rational thought and evidence. I will no longer embrace undeserving labels or diagnoses. I understand who I am, including my faults and failures, and I work toward being my highest and best self.

OPPRESSION: I do not choose oppression though oppressive acts may find me. My presence and my being does not consent allowing for the betterment of someone else at my expense. I no longer give consent for my emotions and feelings to fuel the negative energy of others. I find joy in putting up healthy boundaries that protect my peace, my self-worth, and my calm mind. I reject the boundaries/ultimatums of others that encroach upon my ability to be calm, rational, and self-accepting. I am worthy because I am human. I am not worthy of unfair persecution, bullying, and being diminished in word and presence. Born on my breath, I inhale freedom, coexistence and mutual respect and I exhale oppression and punitive feelings that have arisen from the assertion of external control. I am vigilant to who holds the keys to my thoughts and feelings and I reclaim the keys to determine my own healthy inner narrative and emotions. I no longer live under the weighted foot of others. I am free, light, receptive, and abundant.

PAIN: I embrace pain, but I do not accept that it is a permanent part of my reality. I recognize the value of pain as pain is a reflection of my capacity to love and also to experience loss as result of that love. I honor the value of pain for being my body's way of communicating that I am out of balance and need quiet, reflection, healing, and restoration. I lean into the pain, to listen for the clear indication of what needs to be healed and affirmed. I choose to embrace healing and I no longer wish to shelve my emotions surrounding healing. I will make it a priority to healthfully deal with my pain, and to prioritize efforts to negotiate with the pain. Born on my breath, I inhale sustainable, healthy, and longlasting healing and I exhale the pain, anguish, and prior separation from joy. I express loving eagerness for my healing. I am letting go of the hurt within me. I release the pain to the universe to be transmuted into infinte love. I embrace forgiveness for myself and others. I embrace gratitude as a daily practice in order to shift my mindset from the pain and to elevate to a higher mindset. I am not free from pain, or from potentially painful experiences, but I rely on my ability to appropriately understand it for what it is without catastrophizing and adding to its measure. I rely on myself to find ways to heal.

QUESTIONING: I allow inquiry into my life. I have a curious mind that looks for opportunities to improve myself and my environment. I embrace that my inquisitive mind may ask questions that I cannot always answer, or that the universe with not provide answers the moment when I ask. I understand the with inquiry must come patience. The evolution in between is called wisdom. I choose to attain wisdom through inquiry. I inhale doubt, fear, and concern and I exhale certainty, patience, and confidence. I do not concern myself with the "whys" of other people's words and behaviors. I focus my inquiry on my own words and behaviors so that I can better serve myself and to improve my mental and emotional fitness. Born on my breath, I inhale the grace and patience to move in my own time and season and I exhale the need to respond to others and to keep time with their tempo. I release the need to discuss reasons for people's words and actions when those discussions are wrapped in negative energy. I free myself from the mental torture of understanding the mindset and intention of others when it eclipses the time I can spend nurturing my own well-being and fueling my growth.

REJECTION: I am learning to no longer fear the sting of rejection because I am learning to accept myself. I forgive the lessons that I was taught in my past that I had to meet other people's standards in order to be loved and accepted. I have evolved into a new understanding that I am enough. Born on my breath, I inhale feelings of acceptance, worthiness, and wholeness and exhale my outdated feelings of rejection, not measuring up, and inadequacy. I no longer submit to meeting the expectations of others when those expectations are unreasonable or volatile. I give myself permission to say no, and then to not worry if the other person will perceive diminished value in me because I said no and put up a boundary. I am learning to replace ideas of rejection with promises of protection. What isn't meant for me will not align with me. The things that do align with my highest and best self will not pass me by and will provide a sense of sustainable belonging.

SHAME: I no longer give permission for my head to hang in shame, for my eyes to look toward the ground, and for my thoughts to scorn my worth. I matter and I have value. I give myself permission to fight for myself and to be my own best and loving advocate. I make mistakes but I no longer need to cloak a natural human occurrence in embarrassment and disgrace. I choose to no longer hold remorse or contempt for my existence, my words, or my actions. I choose to release guilt that has been imposed upon me to make others feel more righteous. Born on my breath, I inhale feelings of wholeness and self-respect and I lovingly reframe my internal dialogue to a positive and more compassioned conversation. I am unlearning accepting shame for reasons that do not belong to me. I am unlearning the commitment to feeling shame so that my behaviors no longer cause additional humiliation. I will champion for myself, for my self worth, and for my unique and valuable presence, even if no one else does.

TENSION: I recognize that my internal dialogues and my emotional reactions to outside circumstances and environments is causing undue stress. I have asked my body and my mind to tolerate more than it can handle. And because I recognize this now, I am going to give myself permission to take a few steps backward, apologize to myself, and begin to show myself more grace and compassion. I am allowing for appropriate boundaries to exist to protect me from unhealthy stress levels that compromise my well-being. Born on my breath, I inhale feelings of ease and relief and I exhale tension, stress, discomfort, and chaos. I am the keeper of my peace. I am the protector of my health. I am capable of identifying where my appropriate boundaries should be so that I have the opportunities to self-nourish and advocate for the time to calm the body and mind from tension and stress. I deserve a healthy life.

UNCERTAINTY: I allow myself to acknowledge the uncertainty, without assigning a lack of confidence to not knowing the answer. I permit the unknowing until I can rationally explore my thoughts and feelings, and possibly even consider the knowledge and opinions of others, before I make a decision that best suits my highest standard. I detach from the uncomfortability of being uncertain. I disconnect from having to prove to anyone that I have a plan that is premature, not thought through, or not wholly embraced. Born on my breath, I inhale an adequate amount of trust in myself to know when it is time to make a decision, and I exhale feelings of doubt and fear. I can make good decisions. And I can make good decisions in the right timing. I no longer force myself to answer questions simply because someone asks. I give myself permission to reply with "Thank you for asking, but I am not sure yet." I also freely allow myself to be as uncertain as I need to be, for as long as I need to be, without having to answer to someone else or to mold certainty around their timetable. I am allowed to form ideas, and then change my mind, because my consciousness is always working for my good.

VULNERABILITY: I am learning to appreciate the beauty in vulnerability, instead of the fear and weakness that it can suggest. I perceive vulnerability as a willingness to be open to something new, even if it may be out of my comfort zone. I perceive vulnerability as an honesty about my lack of experience, knowledge, or confidence. I give myself permission to try, and to make mistakes without guilt, so that I have new opportunities to learn and grow. Born on my breath, I inhale the confidence to move beyond where I am now into a new territory, while I exhale timid doubts and submissive thoughts. I embrace that there is power in vulnerability and that the correct measure of strength and validity will arrive when it needs to because I trust the perfect timing of the universe. I now embrace that it creates more vulnerability to have a fixed mindset, to self-sabotage, and to limit the chances for new joy and enrichment. There is vulnerability in staying stuck, and there is vulnerability in the decision to grow. I embrace the decision to grow.

WITHHOLDING: I recognize that I do not have the full complement of my emotions. I recognize that due to stress, breakdowns in relationships, and miscommunications that I have disproportionately focused on lack, pain, fear, and rejection. I recognize the harm that these experiences have caused me. I also recognize that I have lost confidence and trust in my ability to feel joy, love, and community. I deserve to feel the full complement of emotions, despite the pain in my past. I deserve to experience joy, laughter, peace, and acceptance. Born of my breath, I inhale confidence in learning to trust new situations, and I exhale allowing fear to control new decisions and new opportunities. I do not have to fear because I have learned from the past. I can move forward in joy and self-assurance because I have emerged from the pain that others have caused me due to broken trust. New people in my life do not have to pay for the crimes of people from my past. I embrace every new potential and keep the best of the lessons that I have learned from lived experience.

YEARNING: I recognize that yearning represents a need within me that is not being fulfilled. Yearning is not the hunger for worldly things, to gain similar possessions of others, or to covet more enrichment and meaning in my relationships. I will not yearn for things that come from needs created by my external world. I will not allow my emotions to disproportionately invest in the wanting of particular person, item, or experience. To yearn is to acknowledge a belief in lack. I no longer embrace a feeling of lack and replace it with possibility. Born on my breath, I inhale satisfaction, having no hunger, and no desire to compare myself to others, while I exhale jealousy, scheming for gain's sake, and possibly resenting needs not being met. I trust that I will have everything that I will need in the season that I will need it. I have confidence that all of my needs will be fulfilled beyond my expectations and in divine timing.

How to use affirmations:

Choose affirmations that matter to you and apply to what you're feeling.
Repeat a key phrase, sentence, sentence pair, or the entire paragraph. There is no wrong way to say an affirmation as long as it's positive.
You can say them morning, or night, or throughout the day.
Speak out loud, if possible, so that your conscious mind can hear the words in the natural physical world. Say them with intention in your mind if you need to silently focus.
Engage with the words on an emotional level. Don't just read for content or comprehension.
Copying affirmations, or portions of affirmations, are just as effective as speaking them. Or use both techniques together for additional reinforcement.
Use affirmations during challenging moments. Pause and repeat your affirmation before you make your choice of response to stress.
Affirmations work best when practiced and incorporated into a daily routine. Affirmations are also enhanced by breathwork.
It is normal to think you sound silly or that it is not going to work. With practice and repetition, eventually you create a mindshift and your internal dialogue begins to align with the sentiments.