Book Recommendations
Finding Inspiration and Understanding on Every Page
These are my book recommendations (no, I am not an affiliate and these aren't links).
If you have any good ones to suggest, or avoid, email me your recommendations
to parentsinpurgatory@gmail.com. Thanks!
DONE WITH THE CRYING
Sheri McGregor, M.A.
Why I Like It: McGregor is an estranged parent and I think that being able to write from that perspective gives a credibility that cannot be rivaled. This book offers both emotional and practical tools to cope with the pain of estrangement. The reviews are overwhelmingly in favor of this book for her nonjudgmental approach and appreciation of nuances, with much of her support coming from other estranged parents. There is also a sequel Beyond Done With The Crying.
RULES OF ESTRANGEMENT
Joshua Coleman, Ph.D.
Why I Like It: Coleman is a Ph.D., and I believe that this level of training and his years of clinical experience lends credibility to this book. This is a more empirical and scholarly approach to understanding estrangement that is balanced and evidence based. Coleman offers strategies for reconciliation without pressure or
guilt. Coleman is considered a leader in this specific niche. Also consider
When Parents Hurt as a companion read.
FORGET THEM KIDS
Vivian King, Ph.D.
Why I Like It: King is a Ph.D., and I believe that King is, and encourages, a stronger voice in estranged parent book market. This book is far more culture-critical and seeks to empower estranged parents. King acknowledges that the narrative does not favor estranged parents, often blaming parents for all of the problems. "It explores how estranged parents are often misjudged, scapegoated, and left to suffer in silence—while society applauds their disappearance."
BREAKING THE SILENCE
Shelby Welborn
Why I Like It: Welborn is dipping her toe into the estrangement space to expand her independent publishing that is centered on holistic wellness and lifestyle. Parents say that her deep dive into the causes of estrangement threads the needle between the ECs and the EPs with practicality and understanding. If you are looking for more of a ground-level supplement to more heavy hitting books by credentialed authors, this is a good pick.
THE ANXIOUS GENERATION
Jonathan Haidt
Why I Like It: I don't just like it, I love this book. If you are looking to understand how digital citizenry has affected your child in ways you never even considered, and how that digital citizenry is diametrically opposed to the traditional famliy and in-person relationships, then read this book. Haidt does an extraordinary job how the first indigenously digital generation thinks, behaves, makes, decisions, and have suffered
because of that dual citizenship. For me, this was profound.
RECONNECTING WITH YOUR ESTRANGED ADULT CHILD
Tina Gilbertson
Why I Like It: I love this book if you are a parent that hasn't had your child go no contact yet. This is more for mending the relationship before it gets that far. Gilbertson is a psychologist, so I appreciate the credentialed training that backs up the theoretical framework of her work. She walks the tightrope well, but makes no apologies for putting the responsibility on the parents to mend the relationship.
RECLAIMING YOUR IDENTITY
Kendall L. Williams
Why I Like It: I like this book because I am a huge fan of Mum's True Tea. If you are an estranged parent who has tried to go to therapy, take accountability, and make amends, and all of your sincere efforts were made in vain, this is the book that meets you at that point in your journey. This book is written by a mom for other moms who were good parents, did the best that they could, and were not abusive. This is a very compassioned but direct read for parents who are in the process of letting go and redefining their lives, or have let go with no intention to reconcile but need a little encouragement to frame what that will look like.
DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU THINK
Joseph Nguyen
Why I Like It: I like it because it's not an estrangement book, per se, but the content absolutely speaks to the torturous mindset of the estranged parent. If you are someone who needs to slow down your intrusive and harmful thoughts, understand why those aren't serving you, and to have a deeper effort to calming your mind, this is absolutely the book. As a person with panic attacks, I cannot convey how much the content in this book is so helpful to the racing and frantic thoughts inside the overthinkers mind.
THE COURAGE TO BE DISLIKED
Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga
Why I Like It: I like it because it's not an estrangement book and it approaches mental health from an Eastern perspective. The book is written like a story from a young man to a wise sage. The use of Socratic method to help the young man discover truths about why he has to endure challenges, where the challenges arise from, and how to be free from past burdens is an easy-to-understand parallel. The wise sage helps you to reframe your thinking so that you can eliminate limitations.
THE LET THEM THEORY
Mel Robbins
Why I Like It: I like it because Mel Robbins is a respected life coach and she offers this practical approach to setting boundaries and returning care to the self in an empowering way. If you have moved past the initial shock of estrangement and are in the season of trying to figure out what life looks like now, this book will help you to stop wasting time on things you can't control with your relationships, which will increase your personal power and self-acceptance.
PRAYERS FOR PRODIGALS
James Banks
Why I Like It: I like it because this book was recommended to me by a therapist. If you are someone who leans on your faith, this is a wonderful companion because the way that it is written appeals to most mainline denominations as a standalone, but then you could add or change words to fit the subtle nuances that separate the Christian denominations. Even if you don't go to church, or don't like organized religion, but still include prayer in your life, you may like a lot of what this book has to offer.
CODEPENDENT NO MORE
Melody Beattie
Why I Like It: I like it because this book comes from a sincere place of healing, plus it's been around for almost forty years (1986), and her words are just as applicable today as they were when we were rewinding cassette tapes with our pencils. Beattie coined the phrase codependent, which has now expanded beyond the original intent of having your emotional well-being enmeshed with an addict, to referring to anyone who's mental and emotional well-being is interconnected to another person's words or actions. Beattie followed up her original juggernaut book with Beyond Codependency, The Language of Letting Go, and a companion workbook Codependent No More Workbook.