The Do's And Dont's Of Therapy

Navigating the realm of mental health professionals can be a daunting task.

Here are some helpful do's and dont's of therapy, including what to expect,

and how to tell a bonafide trained therapist versus a trauma-informed tour guide.

Disclaimer: I am not a therapist. Please make sure you do your own research
to make the best decision for you and your healing.

THE DO'S OF THERAPY

Be open and honest about your feelings. Share openly knowing that what you say is confidential. Do not be afraid to say what you are feeling, even if the thought makes you feel uncomfortable. It can be difficult to express your thoughts to a perfect stranger, just as it may be embarrassing to tell a doctor about a condition. But they cannot help you unless you are forthright.
Set goals. We don't normally think of goalsetting with doctors. Typically, we want them to tell us what's wrong and then just fix it. Unfortunately, therapy doesn't quite work that way. Plan to collaborate with your therapist. They will work with you to define realistic and meaningful goals for therapy.
Give yourself permission to ask questions. It is absolutely within your right, and should be a part of your due diligence, to ask your potential therapist about their training, their approach, their qualifications, and the purpose of certain techniques that they favor. At any time you do not feel that this is a good match, it is time to move on.
Practice between sessions. Therapy is not a trauma-dumping session where you leave empty handed. Your therapist will give you insights, tools, exercises, and other strategies to reinforce your progress. Give yourself permission to work with these insights and strategies to see if they work with your life and in your situation.
Plan for consistency and prepare for patience. Regular attendance shows a significant increase in outcomes. It ensures that you are committing to your growth and putting forth a healthy effort to seek improvement. Regular attendance has been shown to build momentum toward progress. Given the severity of what is behind your decision to go to therapy, plan for patience as change takes time and emotional progress is not always a flow chart.
Give feedback, but also respect boundaries. Something may not work for you, and that's okay. It's not as simple as taking a pain reliever for a headache. Remember that therapy is a collaborative process. With that being said, there are professional boundaries that define that collaboration that should be respected. Ensure that you respect any ethical constraints or time-based limits, such as concluding at the end of allotted time, and being self-aware enough to recognize that your therapist is helping others as well.
Honor the code of confidentiality. This is especially true when you are crafting this opportunity to permit unadulterated and messy honesty to make its presence known. Respect yourself to keep what you share private between you and your therapist. And if you attend group or family therapy sessions, respect that the confidentiality of what others say is non-negotiable.

THE DON'TS OF THERAPY

Don't expect a quick fix. Despite years of education and experience, your new therapist will require a grace period for them to understand all of the nuances regarding your personal situation. They will not be able to give you strategies to solve your issues in one or two sessions. They will need time to foster the collaborative process so that you can identify the right strategies and therapies for you and your personal situation.
Don't lie or withhold information. One of the biggest limits to therapeutic effectiveness is when you hold back, lie, or distort the truth. A therapist can only work with what you choose to tell them. If you don't give them the whole complement of emotions, situations, thoughts, and feelings involved, then they may not be able to give you the best therapeutic strategies to help you in those situations. One way to think about it is: Truth In = Transformation Out.
Don't try to change the dynamic of the relationship. If you find a qualified and effective therapist, it is natural to grow a fondness for them because they understand you in many ways that others who love you don't. No matter how much appreciation and respect you hold for them, they are still your therapist. Avoid any and all temptations to form personal friendships (e.g., inviting them to lunch), giving gifts (e.g., bringing them a Starbucks), or contacting them outside their professional channels (e.g., sending social media friend requests).
Don't quit without discussing your reasons why. Your therapist is investing their time, expertise, and attention to your details to create a collaborative therapeutic relationship. There may be many reasons why you have to terminate, including financial reasons, time constraints, or feeling that maybe you have gotten as much out of it as you think you can. No matter what your reason for quitting, your therapist is professional enough to handle your reasons for stopping. Healthy termination processes are just as important as selecting the right therap
Don't self-diagnose or adopt digital Munchausen ideologies. As you proceed through the therapeutic process, you may feel stronger and more confident. This may lead you to want to purchase books, do research, or speak using terms of mental health professionals. Mental health evaluation, diagnosis, and treatment is highly subjective and nuanced. Just as you would allow an infectious disease doctor to get to the root cause of a medical issue, let your licensed professional therapist assess and diagnose appropriately so that you are allowing targeted efficiency in your therapeutic journey.

REASONABLE EXPECTATIONS FOR THERAPY

Understand that your therapist isn't "fixing" you. Your therapist is partnering with you in a collaborative relationship. They are not there to rescue you and to prescribe a plan that you must follow, like a diet regimen.
There should be obvious signs of respect within the space. The space where therapy takes place should be in a discreet area, away from high traffic and where others can see in. There should be closed doors and a sense of enclosure for your privacy. The tone and conversation should be nonjudgmental and your therapist should be speaking and acting in a way that demonstrates trustworthiness and ethics.
Personal context validation. Your therapist should be obviously aware and respectful of your personal contexts. If you do not feel that your therapist respects you due to your ethnicity, culture, religion, orientation, gender, or other identifier, then get another therapist.
Your therapist should be actively listening. Your therapist should be reflecting, summarizing, and empathizing with you throughout the duration of your therapy session. If they are on the phone, constantly interrupted, or are routinely forgetting important details, it may be time to find a new therapist.